For some reason I cannot upload the Pour your heart out picture right now so click here to go to shell's place over at things i can't say I am going to share this, which I posted last night!
Did ya ever have one of "those days"? Well, I had one last night and remnents of it flowed into today. I am a parent to three teenage boys and one nine year old girl, my partner in crime is my hubby who is a wonderful, and amazing man, I surely don't deserve to have.
What can I say about teenagers that you haven't heard or experienced? Probably nothing, but I am going to take a stab at it. My hubby and I once found a statue of three monkeys..you know the ones..see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil? Yeah, those..well we picked it up in honor of our three sons, so that should tell you something.
To my oldest sons ears, my husband and I have too many rules, as well as unappealing consequences. I have to say that he is probably right when you compare our household rules to some of his friends household rules. As I pointed out to him last night, whenever you compare someone else's home to ours you will find greener grass on one side of the fence and usually it is their's, especially if they don't have as many rules as we do.
Do I think we have too many rules? No! Let me say it again, No! We expect our children to do the jobs we have given them, and to be respectful human beings. Really that is about it, as far as the rules go, of course there are some things that are just expected if you want to live in this house. Now, if you live in this house and you are a child of mine or one that is here every weekend eating my food and using my computers etc..you will work and follow the rules. I believe that my husband and I have earned the right to give our children a job, and expect them to do it!
My children do not have..cell phones! I know, what a shock. We have a home phone, we don't need to carry one around with us just because everyone else has one. At my home children are not allowed to talk on the phone in their room or after 9pm. Don't like it, too bad! (That's what I tell them) Children cannot be on youtube unless I am showing them something. No foul language. No having sex. My children and I go to church on Sundays together..no one stays home unless they are sick..except my hubby and that is his deal with God, not mine. So okay they do have some rules that are just expected but they are simple ones to follow. If they follow them they get to have privaleges, and if they don't follow the rules, privaleges get taken away. Simple.
Unfortunately, when we are compared to someone else's home, we come away seemingly lacking, in my sons eyes at least. This is what happened last night. He was mad and unloaded his feelings onto me, I in turn got in his face..and round and round we went. Then, hubby took over..til 12..midnight. Poor hubby had to get up 5 hrs later and go to work! Didn't I say he was wonderful~he is. This morning when I woke up (too early I might add) I was tired and worried over what had transpired between the hubbs and son last night, so I prayed. Well, I may have prayed last night, it is all a blur right now.
I just want to be the best parent I can, and raise godly young men and a godly young woman. Is that too much to ask of myself? I know it's important to let go, because eventually what we taught them has to be enough, and the rest I have to leave up to God. I know this works, I have seen others do it, so why is it so hard to trust that what I am doing is enough? All in all, it worked out between my son and I, it was just tense for awhile. I hate when there is tension between my children and I or my hubby and I. It always feels like it is my fault, even though I know it is not..I am one of those people who think that everything is their fault. Silly! I know!
If you are a parent have you gone through this with your teen? If so, how did you handle it? I would love to talk to other parents who may have insight that I do not. God is at work in my family and I know that His plan if perfect, I just wish I knew what it was sometimes. I have control issues. I am a work in progress. "Thank you Father God for being patient with me, help me to be patient with my own precious children, Amen" Please leave me a comment or two before you leave, as I would love to hear any and all of your advice and wisdom.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
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9 comments:
OH sweetie have I ever and still do. Yes my kids have a cell phone bu becvause they go places and on trips and are at the age they go with friends and I want a way to reach them or vice versa. I recently purchased a series called Grooming the next Generation for Success by Dani Johnson. POWERFUL. She does not own a TV set in her home, the kids have computer access with her present, When they go to a grocery store and the trash mags are out in the check out stand her and her children turn them all around to protect what they see as well as those who come behind them. IT is a really interesting book..
kids will push and push..that is what they do. i don't think you should feel bad or guilty about having rules in your house...YOUR is the operative word here.
your kid will get over it...that i know from experience. stick to your guns!
I am not a parent but I think your rules are just fine and in the end your kids will thank you for them.
Then there is the fourth monkey with hands covering its nether regions and the inscription, "Do no evil".
When I married my present wife I had 3 daughters and she had 1. So over the years we've had teenage girls with whom we had frequent tension. But we persisted and held our ground and made them go to church with us every Sunday.
They are all now very fine responsible adults out in the world and doing pretty well for themselves. I think you just have to set the boundaries and hang in there, letting them know you love them, and it usually turns out okay. And looking back, none of them were ever as bad as I thought they were at the time---I think as parents we just tend to worry about our kids.
Good luck to you
Lee
Some of the men on staff at my church have been known to say the following, "Three things in todays society are OF THE DEVIL - (1) Cell Phones (2) Facebook (3) Myspace." All of these men have teenagers and have discoverd how tough it is to be the mom/dad who says no to the above things. (((HUGS))) Praying it blows over and gets better soon.
It sounds like you are doing a great job with them!
The pastor at the church we went to before we moved compared parenting to a funnel- you start down on the bottom, holding tight and then you gradually let go as they grow up. I love that analogy.
Thanks for linking up!
I think too many families don't have enough rules - or give their children enough obligations that they have to fulfill at home.
Good for you! Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!!
Shannon, keep it up!!! This sounds similar to how I was raised. VERY SIMILAR, in fact, and although I whined about all of the "rules" I am 27 years old now, and PRaise the Lord, I am SO grateful that I had limited time with boys, was forced to dress modestly, had an early curfew, no cell phone, no phone in my room, no calls from guys, no dating, no swearing, church 3 x a week, etc. My mom saved me from a lot and my innocence was spared much longer than most kids. Looking back, of course there were some things she could have done differently and it would have been better if my dad were walking with the Lord, but be encouraged, it sounds like you are being very wise and your kids will thank you for it one day!!! SO happy to hear you are being a wise mother. :)
I used to say the same thing to my parents when I was growing up "so and so's mom let's her and so and gets to go to the movies" and my mom always said " I'm not so and so's mom". I complained about the rules and chores all the time. I look back now and I am glad that my parents were stricter than most. Growing up you don't appreciate that kind of thing, but when you get older you thank your parents for staying strong.
My children are 2 1/2 and 6 1/2 and the ground rules started when they learned to say no. Stay strong. Being a parent is hard work that has no manual.
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