Melancholy Anyone?

Depression is so subjective...one day things are pretty great, and the next...not so much.  I was just thinking the other day that I was so happy not to have to deal with depression anymore, thinking that all the exercise I do must have  really cured me.  Wrong!  I was so arrogantly wrong.

I have had depression issues my entire life, well the years that I can remember anyway. Now mind you my life was not the peaches and cream everyone wants, but it wasn't exactly horrible either, there were good times mixed in with the bad.  So to say I had/have absolutely no reason to feel blue would be a mistake, but the depression seems to come from out of the blue (no pun intended) for no real or reasonable reason...I have a Great life.  I really do.  

I have a Great husband and 4 wonderful children, all of whom I absolutely undeniably love...and not only do I have those people in my life I am a child of The Most High God...so why, I ask, do I get depressed, blue or melancholy?

From what I can understand there can be a lot of variables or none at all.  For instance it could be hormones alone, or it could be lack of vitamin D, or sunshine as I like to call it.  I miss the sun and the warmth. It could be brain chemistry that is off.  Then again it could be the combination of all the above, honestly I don't rightly know.  I wish I did.

Blogging helps me vent.  When I write I often imagine that there will be one person who reads what I blogged about and it will touch their heart...speak to their specific situation, and they will be helped or at least validated that they are not alone...that there is someone else out there in this big wide world who is going through something similar and can relate.  I know that God has used me before and I know He will use me again.  

The other day, when I was running and talking to God, I asked what good am I?  What have you used me for? Am I significant...and the resounding answer was yes, you my daughter are significant and I have a purpose for you, keep on going, someday you will see the bigger picture and understand fully.  So I keep trudging on because I know that someday it will all be revealed to me by my Heavenly Father.  I won't allow satan, the father of lies, to bring me down and whisper his evil into my heart and into my life...for now I will continue to lean on God and let Him comfort me...because I know that this too shall pass...in time.

So if you are reading this and you pray at all...say a little prayer for me tonight I'd really appreciate it...and if you can relate, let me know, I'd love to hear from you.

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

© 2012 Shannon M. King. This publication is the exclusive property of Shannon M. King and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws. The contents of this post/story may not be reproduced as a whole or in part, by any means whatsoever, without consent of the author, Shannon M. King. All rights reserved.

Light Bulb Moment...

When I got married, it wasn't all what I had dreamed of...you know, white wedding dress, flowers everywhere, mom and dad beaming with pride and love.  That was just a dream and I was not to have that kind of a wedding.  


First of all my then fiance had only met me 4 months earlier and we had a fast and furious love affair (not the bad kind).  It was truly a whirlwind romance.  We met one night and talked for hours, and when I went home I told my best friend I had just met the man I was going to marry...and I did. 


My biological father was less than happy because we had just told him we were going to have a baby, although conceived in love, we knew it was putting the cart before the horse, so to speak.  He (bio-father) was never close to me growing up, I was more a status symbol (when I was younger) and an annoyance and perhaps embarrassment to him (teen yrs) later on.  After the baby announcement, came the trip to the hospital that ultimately resulted in the loss of our first wee one.  We (my fiance and I) were devastated and more in love than ever, and decided to continue on with wedding plans.  

There would be no talk of shopping for a wedding dress, hand-me-down, store bought or borrowed, no I would have to find my own outfit with my own money.  That ultimately didn't matter, I found just the right outfit and proudly wore it on that special day...but let me back up a little.


The preparations were all ready, the cake made, invitations sent...even the Justice Of The Peace picked out, who by the way showed up on his Harley, beard, black robe and all.  There had been no talk of my bio-father giving me away, perhaps it never occurred to him because he was not capable of that type of relationship, I still do not know why to this day.  It is a painful memory that I will always have scribbled indelibly in my minds memory book.


The wonderful winter day finally arrived, with a full case of butterflies in my stomach I might add...I wasn't sure I was ready to be a wife but I was certainly ready to leave my not so happy family and begin a new life with someone who truly did (and still does) love me. To make a long sad story short, my fiance and I walked ourselves to the front of the church, (that happened to be filled with friends and loved ones) and we presented ourselves to the Justice of the peace.  After repeating our marriage vows we were soon to be announced Mr. and Mrs. George King.  Then came the pictures, mostly with my bio-father scowling and looking like he'd rather be anywhere than there, and of course the congratulations and well wishes...then following that we had a nice little reception with wonderful cake, food and presents.  


Then my life began as a wife.  For years I have had such a sadness about my bio-father not asking if he could give me away...it always hurts and feels so raw...but today God spoke to me.


I was taking a run this evening and talking to God about my lack of faith...my many failures at being a child of the great God...and somehow we got on the subject of my wedding day...and I was whining about how and why my father didn't love me enough to give me away at my wedding etc...etc...God has heard this so many times and yet has never tired of it...and out of the blue he said in the most audible way ever...I was there, it was me, I gave you away in your fathers place...I walked you down that isle and presented you to your husband because I love you that much and couldn't let you do it alone.  Wow, it only took me 19 years to realize that my Heavenly Father has filled in the gap for my biological father so many times, because he cherishes me so much. 


I am so thankful God chose to reveal that special nugget to me tonight...I have the best Heavenly Father and He loves me in spite of myself...I am blessed.


I guess that I said all that to say this...if you are at a moment in your life where you feel all alone, your not...God is there with you in the difficult and painful moments just like he is in the good and joyful ones...

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

© 2012 Shannon M. King. This publication is the exclusive property of Shannon M. King and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws. The contents of this post/story may not be reproduced as a whole or in part, by any means whatsoever, without consent of the author, Shannon M. King. All rights reserved.

January 10, 2011

I hope this post finds you all happy and healthy in this new year...I am here, and I am surviving...but...

Sometimes it feels like I am just holding on for dear life...do you ever feel that way?  Like life is just so wild and dangerous, you just gotta hang on and hope you make it...well don't despair, God can help get you through whatever it is that you are going through...I trust He will get my son and the rest of us through this next trial we are in right now.

So today I will choose to focus on God...I will let Him carry me...I challenge you to do the same.  Let God take over...trust that He will see you through your trial...take to heart this verse... Philippians 4:13 from the amplified bible...

¹³I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who ^[a]infuses inner strength into me; I am ^[b]self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

May God's face shine upon you today and beyond, and may you have joy abundantly.

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

Struggling, but still hanging in there

So I just thought I'd share with you what I have been struggling with these last few months...sit back, grab a cup of hot chocolate and relax while I tell a tale of....well you can decide for yourselves what kind of a tale it is when your finished reading.


Several months ago, nine to be exact, I found out I was in complete remission from Thyroid Cancer, and to say I was elated would not quite hit the mark.  I was feeling on top of the world, I had energy galore and was back to "normal", whatever that is...for the next few months I was on fire with high emotions, energy to boot, and a peace I had not felt for quite some time. As most of you know I am a woman who loves the Lord, Jesus Christ...my personal Savior, and if you have read most anything I have posted, you will know that most of it has something uplifting or spiritual about it...that is just my way... until recently that is.  


I am finding myself struggling with my spiritual life, not really my faith, but a kind of deep...even now I can't for the life of me think of what to call it.  I know in my heart that God has a plan and that it is perfect, but I can't really feel His presence...and I know that part of the problem is that I have been absent from my reading of the Word, absent from church, and just...lost.  


Some things have been happening here at home with my oldest teen (nothing earth shattering) that I can't help but be shattered from...and can't help feeling like I could have done more...and that I am losing a closeness in the relationship that I have always cherished, and may never get back.  That is part of why I am lost, I can admit that, but I don't know how to fight this. It just feels like all the work my husband and I did as parents didn't do any good, that it all was for nothing.  I know that is not reality, but it is how I feel. As a mom I feel like it is my fault, and even now after all has been said and done, I am left wondering what in the world has happened to my world, and will it ever be right side up again?


Well meaning friends have told me that I did everything right, and that us parents cannot make the decisions for our children, that there comes a point in our teens lives where we have to give them over to God...I know all this, yet the pain is still here, it is real, and I don't know how to accept this new (less that satisfying) relationship I have had no choice but to accept with my surly, withdrawn, teen, who now has to live with the consequences of the choice they made. I am just lost, and can't seem to find my way out right now.


God's plan is perfect...I know this and hold on to that precious promise.  His love is infinitely high and wide, He has enough healing for my hearts pain, and even though I am weak, I will lean on Him for strength and comfort, and I know that He will bring me through this trial, for my God is good All the time.


May God's face shine upon you today and beyond, and may He give you joy so abundantly you have to give it away.  Blessings, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving season.

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

Devotion Time

Hey all, just thought I'd let you know I will be posting a devotional most every day, taken from my devotional "STARTING YOUR DAY RIGHT" by Joyce Meyer.  Each devotional is short and sweet (so to speak) and can be done easily.  I just want to share what I find helpful, and it is especially great for those of us who have children and are on the go with not a lot of time to spare (most of the time).  So I hope ya'll enjoy them, and if you do let me know by leaving a comment.  May God's face shine upon us all today and beyond!

(The first devotional follows this post)

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

Hey Out There

Okay, so it's been awhile since I have posted anything...at all.  I have been taking some much needed time to deal with various issues, one of them being depression.   I am beginning to feel better and having less pressure sure helps. I have been spending time with the kids, going to the library, swimming, or just hanging out...it has been so nice!  It seems the more time I spend on facebook, or my blog, the more stressed I become.  Largely it is because I feel pressured to fulfill some imaginary obligation I have created in my mind.  It has nothing to do with anyone else putting pressure on me, it's all me.

I am toying with the idea of giving up this blog, but I don't want to make any quick decisions about that.  This blog was created to be an outlet for my creativity; something I could feel accomplished about.  Does that make any sense?  Maybe I am just blocked and this time away will be helpful in clearing my mind.  Maybe I have said all there is to say.  Maybe not.  I know one thing, the more time I spend away from this blog, the less I have to say...hmmm, I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing. 

I have to face facts...I get wrapped up in facebook, this blog, t.v., and I spend less time in God's presence and in His book, and with His people.  The more time I invest in other things, the less time I invest in my relationship with my Savior.  So I have started to have quiet time first thing in the morning before the kids are up...that includes prayer and devotions...It is like meeting up with a friend I haven't spoken to for awhile, unsure at first but better every time it happens. 

I guess I said all this to say...I'm here, I'm alive, I am somewhat broken and need more time, I will be back but I don't know when, and I miss you all...but something tells me ya'll are just fine and dandy.  Blessings to each and every one of you! 

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

My Prayer To My God Today!

God You are so good, Your love endures forever...You alone are worthy to be praised, You are so good to me.  Thank you for Your grace and mercy, You alone are to be praised. I praise Your name on high, thank You Father God for Your loving-kindness.  Friends let us lift His name on high, for He is so worthy, and His love and grace are endless.

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

Will I ever be enough?

Will I ever get to the point where I am not always facedown?

Will I ever reach the end of my journey to perfection?

Will I ever stop falling down and stumbling around?

Will I ever get to wear a beautiful crown?

Will I ever be enough?

The truth is NO, until I get to heaven, I will continue to struggle. 
To be imperfect.
I will continue on this journey called my life.
I will never be enough for this world.
Never pretty enough.
Certainly not smart enough.
Never skinny enough.


I say, my Father God loves me just the way I am..No matter what..or where..I am on that journey called life, and that's enough for me!

~EEK..This parenting stuff is not for the faint of heart~

For some reason I cannot upload the Pour your heart out picture right now so click here to go to shell's place over at things i can't say I am going to share this, which I  posted last night!


Did ya ever have one of "those days"? Well, I had one last night and remnents of it flowed into today.  I am a parent to three teenage boys and one nine year old girl, my partner in crime is my hubby who is a wonderful, and amazing man, I surely don't deserve to have. 

What can I say about teenagers that you haven't heard or experienced? Probably nothing, but I am going to take a stab at it.  My hubby and I once found a statue of three monkeys..you know the ones..see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil? Yeah, those..well we picked it up in honor of our three sons, so that should tell you something. 

To my oldest sons ears, my husband and I have too many rules, as well as unappealing consequences.  I have to say that he is probably right when you compare our household rules to some of his friends household rules.  As I pointed out to him last night, whenever you compare someone else's home to ours you will find greener grass on one side of the fence and usually it is their's, especially if they don't have as many rules as we do.

Do I think we have too many rules? No! Let me say it again, No! We expect our children to do the jobs we have given them, and to be respectful human beings.  Really that is about it, as far as the rules go, of course there are some things that are just expected if you want to live in this house.  Now, if you live in this house and you are a child of mine or one that is here every weekend eating my food and using my computers etc..you will work and follow the rules.  I believe that my husband and I have earned the right to give our children a job, and expect them to do it!

My children do not have..cell phones! I know, what a shock.  We have a home phone, we don't need to carry one around with us just because everyone else has one.  At my home children are not allowed to talk on the phone in their room or after 9pm.  Don't like it, too bad! (That's what I tell them) Children cannot be on youtube unless I am showing them something. No foul language.  No having sex.  My children and I go to church on Sundays together..no one stays home unless they are sick..except my hubby and that is his deal with God, not mine. So okay they do have some rules that are just expected but they are simple ones to follow. If they follow them they get to have privaleges, and if they don't follow the rules, privaleges get taken away.  Simple.

Unfortunately, when we are compared to someone else's home, we come away seemingly lacking, in my sons eyes at least. This is what happened last night.  He was mad and unloaded his feelings onto me, I in turn got in his face..and round and round we went. Then, hubby took over..til 12..midnight. Poor hubby had to get up 5 hrs later and go to work! Didn't I say he was wonderful~he is.  This morning when I woke up (too early I might add) I was tired and worried over what had transpired between the hubbs and son last night, so I prayed.  Well, I may have prayed last night, it is all a blur right now. 

I just want to be the best parent I can, and raise godly young men and a godly young woman. Is that too much to ask of myself?  I know it's important to let go, because eventually what we taught them has to be enough, and the rest I have to leave up to God.  I know this works, I have seen others do it, so why is it so hard to trust that what I am doing is enough?  All in all, it worked out between my son and I, it was just tense for awhile.  I hate when there is tension between my children and I or my hubby and I. It always feels like it is my fault, even though I know it is not..I am one of those people who think that everything is their fault.  Silly! I know! 

If you are a parent have you gone through this with your teen?  If so, how did you handle it?  I would love to talk to other parents who may have insight that I do not.  God is at work in my family and I know that His plan if perfect, I just wish I knew what it was sometimes.  I have control issues. I am a work in progress.  "Thank you Father God for being patient with me, help me to be patient with my own precious children, Amen" Please leave me a comment or two before you leave, as I would love to hear any and all of your advice and wisdom.

~Relationships Compared~

Describe how your relationship with your spouse is different then the relationship your parents had while you were growing up. This is the writing prompt I have chosen for writers workshop over at Mama Kat's !

First I will start with this...I lived out on my own for a little while before I met my husband so in that respect I had a lot more experience than my mother did.  She went straight from her parents home to her husbands home. I had lived in a few different cities and with a few different people before I even met George (Hubby).

I had run away when I was 16, and stayed with some friends for a day or two before going to live with my favorite Aunt and Uncle, who were and still are my saving angels. A few years after coming home I moved out to live with a friend, who I occasionally hear from even now, she was my best friend when we were a teenagers.  After that I got a job cleaning hotel rooms at a Best Western and lived with a co-worker...so I say all this to show that I had a little bit of living under my belt, so to speak, before I got married. My mom was completely unprepared to be a wife or to be independent in any way. She knew nothing of the outside world, she was totally sheltered and naive. 

The second difference I can see is this...I did not look at my Husband as my everything, I had friends I still kept in touch with, books I read, places I went,  whereas my mother did see my father like that. He was it for her, she didn't really care about making her own friends or becoming a little bit independent from him.  She thought he was the most important person in her life and no one else even came close..and thus everyone else felt exactly that...less important. My brother and I never really felt significant in our family, because my father was who she looked at to fill her up. Whether that was filling her up with confidence, love, empowerment, it didn't really matter, because my brother and I did not fit in there anywhere.  Today, of course, it is different in that, she is one of my best friends (that is a story in itself to be told at a later time).

The third difference is probably this...My husband has always encouraged me to make friends and get out of the house every once and awhile, he has always been supportive of what I want or need to do.  My father was controlling and treated my mom like a slave of sorts.  I mean he would come home from work and just lay around all day and expect her to serve him..and she would do it!  Now don't get me wrong, when my husband comes home from work I like to get him a drink and make sure dinner is on it's way, but he does not expect me to do it.  I love my husband and because I am a SAHM I do like to make him feel welcome and comfortable after being at work all day.  Mom was like a robot, those things were just expected and never reciprocated by my father.  Dad is still like that today and as a result my parents are divorced, well that and the fact that my father left my mom after having an affair (that is part of the story to be told later on).

My husband, George, is a wonderful person, (not that he doesn't have his faults, we all do) and he is a remarkable husband and father. I cannot say that about my own father, even though I love him, I would have to say he is selfish and because of that we don't have a close relationship at all. His life is mostly about him, on the other hand my husbands life is not a selfish one at all.  He has always worked hard for our family of six, and he puts others ahead of himself all the time, often going without if he has to.   So my marriage in comparison to my parents is vastly different, and for that I am thankful.

One other thing I would like to touch on is this...My relationship with God is not connected to my husbands relationship to God.  Let me explain.  In my parents relationship, my father was in control of everything even religion...I will call what they had religion--which is ritual, rite, rules, etc...I don't know that my mom has ever had a real relationship with Christ, outside of my fathers relationship with Christ. See, my father was a pastor off and on throughout my entire childhood, but mostly one of rules and regulations, you know, legalistic teachings. We grew up in that environment, so I guess I could blame the church atmosphere for the ghastly state of my parents marriage. In my marriage..the relationship I have with Christ is mine and personal, it does not have ties with anyone else.  It is between My heavenly Father and I.  Our relationship depends on me and how far I am willing to take it, and on how obedient I want to be. In my parents relationship it was not like that at all, where dad went, she went, what dad believed, she believed, and so on.

Thanks for taking the time to read a little bit about me and my life as a married woman, I am so appreciative.  Before you go please remember to leave me a comment or two, as I love to see what you all have to say & May God's face shine upon you today and beyond!

My Weary Weekend!

I was sick this last weekend, yay me! This pretty much sums up how totally wonderful I felt.

You know how it feels when you just feel...blech?  Well that is pretty much how I felt all weekend.  I did fold some laundry on Sunday, but other than that I was in or on my bed the whole excruciatingly freaking time.

Ladies, you all know how it is when you are sick...the kids seem to get a little more wild and crazy rambunctious and the house seems to get messy all on it's own, kinda like this..

Yup that pretty much sums it up!  Although I have to say the hubby did a great job taking care of things around here, I mean he cooked and got the kids to do some cleaning and even some outside work...Go Hubby! I am especially blessed to have this guy, he's a keeper...and he took great care of me and the kids this last weekend so he deserves some applause...

I also missed Church on Sunday, which is a bummer because well, obviously I missed out on a great sermon, no doubt, but also my son played in the Worship band again.  Well at least I will get to be there on Easter Sunday when he will be playing again.  Woohoo!

Okay, that is pretty much the whole She-bang for me...so now would you please leave me a comment or two as I absoluely love to hear what you have to say! God bless and May His face shine upon you today and beyond!

Layla Grace is with the Angels in Heaven

Little Layla Grace went home to heaven early this morning. 

Please pray for her family who are grieving the loss of a precious wee one!  I don't know this family but I feel the need to pray for them and for what they are going through.  I cannot even begin to imagine what they are feeling..I do know God is with them, He is mighty and He alone can heal their wounds and comfort their grief. 

 God is holding little Layla Grace and she is completely healthy, and as beautiful as she ever was. Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers in the days to come!

Time away!

It seems I am constantly reminded of how much God wants a real relationship with me.  I have spent so much time on other things, and have given Him just a little of bit of me!

One of the things I spend time on is this blog. (No I am not going to quit blogging!) I spend hours pouring over ideas to share, pictures to publish, friends blogs to comment on.  How it shames me to say I don't give God that much time.

My heavenly Father loved me so much He gave His one and only Son to die on an Old rugged Cross, for my sins and I can't give Him at least as much time as I do my humble blog?  This just reminds me how much work God still has to do on me. 

I am not there yet.  God is still molding and shaping me into what He wants me to be.  I love how God works.  He can take the smallest thing and make it the greatest lesson to share with me, or imprint on me, or use it to nudge me in the direction He wants me to go.  I can say without a doubt that God has shown me through this blog that I have a long way to go, and that He will even use this to remind me that He wants my time as well.

God wants to have a deep and meaningful and personal relationship with me, and you!  He longs for me to come to Him on bended knee or with tears in my eyes and give Him my burdens, crawl up in His lap and snuggle and tell Him my woes.  Wow!

What does all this mean?  Well, it means I need to spend more time with my Father God, and really connect with Him in a meaningful and deep way, not this quick and shallow way I have been doing lately. It means that anything can be an idol, even my blog, and I need to be aware that God wants to spend some time with me, Shannon King!

So, I am off to spend some time with my Heavenly Father, God!  Won't you consider giving Him some of your precious time too! After all, He is your Father as well, and if He is not won't you consider giving Him your life and allowing Him to comfort and guide you too.  For more information on following Christ go to your local church, or a friend who is a believer, or if you want, contact me and I would love to share His story with you!

God bless and May His face shine upon you today! As usual, please leave me some comment luv and I will get back to you as soon as I read what lovely things you have to say to me!

Where is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.


The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.


The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".


They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"


The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"