The Big C

I remember when I found out that I had cancer; my first thoughts were I’m going to die. I just did not really prepare myself for those words. I was scared, even though I knew that God was in control, and I was scared because I did not want to leave this world, my family and my friends. I say I am ready to go “Home” meaning Heaven, but really I’m not. My life is great, and I love the people, and the beauty that surrounds me day in and day out, and that in a nutshell is the whole kit-n-kaboodle.

How can I be not ready to go “Home”? Heaven is described as something I cannot even fathom, the beauty of it is like nothing I or any other human being has ever experienced, so how can I not be ready to go there? What does that say about me? I will tell you what I think it says… I am not done living my life; there are exactly three boys and one girl I plan to marry off and loads of grandchildren I want to spoil and one wonderful husband, who I can’t wait to grow old with. Maybe because the Bible tells me of things I cannot see or touch, I don’t take it as seriously as I should. I believe wholeheartedly in God’s word; don’t get me wrong, it is just hard for me to understand this Heaven I cannot feel. This life I lead here on earth, I can touch, and feel… it is comfortable… What a way to live, comfortable.

Maybe I am not supposed to feel comfortable. It may be that God wants me to be just the opposite… as in uncomfortable. He has plans for me; just because I don’t know what they are does not mean they don’t exist. I cannot for the life of me think of what would be so great about me that God has this whole plan worked out just for my life, but you know, He does. He loves me so much that He sent His only Son to die on that cross so that I could have eternal life. He loves me that much, and I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I have done nothing worthy of God’s love, but yet I have it. “Thank you for the life you have given me, and thank you for loving me in spite of myself”.

The friends I share life with are so special to me; they have all been a blessing in my life. Jesus is my friend too and He has blessed me with so many loved ones, I hardly feel deserving, but I thank Him anyway. As I finish up here, I just want to say that God is not finished with me yet, I am a work in progress, and my life is not a sprint… it is a marathon… to be taken one step at a time. So I am off to continue on the journey I call my life…my cancer…my journey. God be with you and may He richly bless you!

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