First of all my then fiance had only met me 4 months earlier and we had a fast and furious love affair (not the bad kind). It was truly a whirlwind romance. We met one night and talked for hours, and when I went home I told my best friend I had just met the man I was going to marry...and I did.
My biological father was less than happy because we had just told him we were going to have a baby, although conceived in love, we knew it was putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. He (bio-father) was never close to me growing up, I was more a status symbol (when I was younger) and an annoyance and perhaps embarrassment to him (teen yrs) later on. After the baby announcement, came the trip to the hospital that ultimately resulted in the loss of our first wee one. We (my fiance and I) were devastated and more in love than ever, and decided to continue on with wedding plans.
There would be no talk of shopping for a wedding dress, hand-me-down, store bought or borrowed, no I would have to find my own outfit with my own money. That ultimately didn't matter, I found just the right outfit and proudly wore it on that special day...but let me back up a little.
The preparations were all ready, the cake made, invitations sent...even the Justice Of The Peace picked out, who by the way showed up on his Harley, beard, black robe and all. There had been no talk of my bio-father giving me away, perhaps it never occurred to him because he was not capable of that type of relationship, I still do not know why to this day. It is a painful memory that I will always have scribbled indelibly in my minds memory book.
The wonderful winter day finally arrived, with a full case of butterflies in my stomach I might add...I wasn't sure I was ready to be a wife but I was certainly ready to leave my not so happy family and begin a new life with someone who truly did (and still does) love me. To make a long sad story short, my fiance and I walked ourselves to the front of the church, (that happened to be filled with friends and loved ones) and we presented ourselves to the Justice of the peace. After repeating our marriage vows we were soon to be announced Mr. and Mrs. George King. Then came the pictures, mostly with my bio-father scowling and looking like he'd rather be anywhere than there, and of course the congratulations and well wishes...then following that we had a nice little reception with wonderful cake, food and presents.
Then my life began as a wife. For years I have had such a sadness about my bio-father not asking if he could give me away...it always hurts and feels so raw...but today God spoke to me.
I was taking a run this evening and talking to God about my lack of faith...my many failures at being a child of the great God...and somehow we got on the subject of my wedding day...and I was whining about how and why my father didn't love me enough to give me away at my wedding etc...etc...God has heard this so many times and yet has never tired of it...and out of the blue he said in the most audible way ever...I was there, it was me, I gave you away in your fathers place...I walked you down that isle and presented you to your husband because I love you that much and couldn't let you do it alone. Wow, it only took me 19 years to realize that my Heavenly Father has filled in the gap for my biological father so many times, because he cherishes me so much.
I am so thankful God chose to reveal that special nugget to me tonight...I have the best Heavenly Father and He loves me in spite of myself...I am blessed.
I guess that I said all that to say this...if you are at a moment in your life where you feel all alone, your not...God is there with you in the difficult and painful moments just like he is in the good and joyful ones...
I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*
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