Tuesday, March 16, 2010

~Relationships Compared~

Describe how your relationship with your spouse is different then the relationship your parents had while you were growing up. This is the writing prompt I have chosen for writers workshop over at Mama Kat's !

First I will start with this...I lived out on my own for a little while before I met my husband so in that respect I had a lot more experience than my mother did.  She went straight from her parents home to her husbands home. I had lived in a few different cities and with a few different people before I even met George (Hubby).

I had run away when I was 16, and stayed with some friends for a day or two before going to live with my favorite Aunt and Uncle, who were and still are my saving angels. A few years after coming home I moved out to live with a friend, who I occasionally hear from even now, she was my best friend when we were a teenagers.  After that I got a job cleaning hotel rooms at a Best Western and lived with a co-worker...so I say all this to show that I had a little bit of living under my belt, so to speak, before I got married. My mom was completely unprepared to be a wife or to be independent in any way. She knew nothing of the outside world, she was totally sheltered and naive. 

The second difference I can see is this...I did not look at my Husband as my everything, I had friends I still kept in touch with, books I read, places I went,  whereas my mother did see my father like that. He was it for her, she didn't really care about making her own friends or becoming a little bit independent from him.  She thought he was the most important person in her life and no one else even came close..and thus everyone else felt exactly that...less important. My brother and I never really felt significant in our family, because my father was who she looked at to fill her up. Whether that was filling her up with confidence, love, empowerment, it didn't really matter, because my brother and I did not fit in there anywhere.  Today, of course, it is different in that, she is one of my best friends (that is a story in itself to be told at a later time).

The third difference is probably this...My husband has always encouraged me to make friends and get out of the house every once and awhile, he has always been supportive of what I want or need to do.  My father was controlling and treated my mom like a slave of sorts.  I mean he would come home from work and just lay around all day and expect her to serve him..and she would do it!  Now don't get me wrong, when my husband comes home from work I like to get him a drink and make sure dinner is on it's way, but he does not expect me to do it.  I love my husband and because I am a SAHM I do like to make him feel welcome and comfortable after being at work all day.  Mom was like a robot, those things were just expected and never reciprocated by my father.  Dad is still like that today and as a result my parents are divorced, well that and the fact that my father left my mom after having an affair (that is part of the story to be told later on).

My husband, George, is a wonderful person, (not that he doesn't have his faults, we all do) and he is a remarkable husband and father. I cannot say that about my own father, even though I love him, I would have to say he is selfish and because of that we don't have a close relationship at all. His life is mostly about him, on the other hand my husbands life is not a selfish one at all.  He has always worked hard for our family of six, and he puts others ahead of himself all the time, often going without if he has to.   So my marriage in comparison to my parents is vastly different, and for that I am thankful.

One other thing I would like to touch on is this...My relationship with God is not connected to my husbands relationship to God.  Let me explain.  In my parents relationship, my father was in control of everything even religion...I will call what they had religion--which is ritual, rite, rules, etc...I don't know that my mom has ever had a real relationship with Christ, outside of my fathers relationship with Christ. See, my father was a pastor off and on throughout my entire childhood, but mostly one of rules and regulations, you know, legalistic teachings. We grew up in that environment, so I guess I could blame the church atmosphere for the ghastly state of my parents marriage. In my marriage..the relationship I have with Christ is mine and personal, it does not have ties with anyone else.  It is between My heavenly Father and I.  Our relationship depends on me and how far I am willing to take it, and on how obedient I want to be. In my parents relationship it was not like that at all, where dad went, she went, what dad believed, she believed, and so on.

Thanks for taking the time to read a little bit about me and my life as a married woman, I am so appreciative.  Before you go please remember to leave me a comment or two, as I love to see what you all have to say & May God's face shine upon you today and beyond!


Cassie said...

Your parents' relationship sound so similar to my parents! My father would never even think of clearing his plate, forget preparing dinner! I think a little bit is a generational thing. Luckily my husband is much better trained than that!

Brittany Ciara Sheets said...

Glad to read your story. I'm taking part in Mama Kat's writer's workshop this week too and I am so excited. I have already started working on my post but haven't officially finished. Thanks for sharing and God bless.

singedwingangel said...

this is the prompt I am picking as well loll. Great minds think alike. I hear ya on the parents thing..

Anonymous said...

Good to read your story! My parents were divorced when I was very little. I was married young and divorced after five years. I have now been married seventeen years and fight tooth and nail to have a Godly marriage that WILL survive. Not only survive but thrive! :)

God bless your marriage!

Robin said...

It's so true that to many people get caught up in a "religion" of Christianity instead of finding that relationship with Christ. Thank you for sharing some of you and your parents story!

Cranky Mommy said...

My mom had a similar experience when going into her first marriage, except he wasn't a decent man so, fortunately, it didn't last long. By the time she met my father she'd done a little living.
It sounds like we both learned something from watching the mistakes of our parents.

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