Today started out just like every other day of the last several weeks...rainy and bleak. I guess this is a blessing but it doesn't always feel that way. It's like there is a conspiracy to keep me indoors and not running. Honestly, that's how I feel, like someone is deliberately trying to keep my from running...silly, yes I know!
Woke up this morning to a phone call (to darn early) and I hate being woke up that way, it just starts the day out with a shock. Made me feel all jarred and my heart was beating against my chest, I really don't like waking up that way. Not to mention I can never go back to sleep. I'm not usually one of those people who wake up all cheery and spunky either...I need coffee and some time to orient myself to the day ahead.
Thought of Ben who is in PICU in Portland's Doernbecher Hospital...he is breathing on his own as of 1:04 A.M. today. His leg was crushed in between a tractor and a tree yesterday sometime...he went through almost 12 hours of surgery as doctors tried to save his leg and foot. So far so good. All I have been able to do since the accident is pray and encourage others to do the same. He is a friend of my sons and fellow team-mate in wrestling...and his life is now changed forever. I am reminded that he is strong and has God on his side...so this morning as I sat in my blue chair with my coffee I prayed. I prayed that God would continue to heal him and to wrap His arms around this child and his family and friends and give them a peace that only He can give. My heart goes out to these people, I guess because I am a mom and I cannot imagine a pain greater than a hurt child or the loss of one. I have felt the loss of a child and it is nothing I would wish on anyone else...I have also felt the pain of seeing all of my children in pain, but really nothing like this. So as I sat there in my big blue worn out chair, I prayed "God be with them all."
It's so quiet at home this morning...most of the kids are gone to various destinations. Jesse is at the coast with the softball girls, being the stat boy...although with the rain, it is more likely they are somewhere bowling, hope he is having fun and behaving. Jacob and Molly are at the grandparents visiting, so that just leaves George...he's 18 and pretty much does his own thing, he doesn't need me for much. Oh how I love these quiet weekend mornings. I can hear the birds and the rain and just...do...nothing...but think, or pray or just sit here and enjoy my coffee in peace. It looks like the rain has let up some, maybe I'll get lucky and get a walk in today since I can't run yet. I can only hope.
I haven't journal-ed in so long, maybe that is why I have felt so unconnected and unmotivated for some time. Writing my thoughts down helps me stay more centered. So what if it is in blog form...maybe that is just what I need...to share my heart with someone else. I know I am consistently inconsistent and that is something I'd like to work on but I'm not going to hold my breath or anything drastic like that. I know my record isn't great, I don't hold any records with discipline, but I'm good at giving it a good try. I hate that word try...it's like not doing but doing kind of...if that even makes any sense. So I will journal for all the world...or um, anyone who happens by, to see...and so what if it's just me who sees it! I need to journal and by golly that is what I'll do.
I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*
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