Struggling, but still hanging in there

So I just thought I'd share with you what I have been struggling with these last few months...sit back, grab a cup of hot chocolate and relax while I tell a tale of....well you can decide for yourselves what kind of a tale it is when your finished reading.


Several months ago, nine to be exact, I found out I was in complete remission from Thyroid Cancer, and to say I was elated would not quite hit the mark.  I was feeling on top of the world, I had energy galore and was back to "normal", whatever that is...for the next few months I was on fire with high emotions, energy to boot, and a peace I had not felt for quite some time. As most of you know I am a woman who loves the Lord, Jesus Christ...my personal Savior, and if you have read most anything I have posted, you will know that most of it has something uplifting or spiritual about it...that is just my way... until recently that is.  


I am finding myself struggling with my spiritual life, not really my faith, but a kind of deep...even now I can't for the life of me think of what to call it.  I know in my heart that God has a plan and that it is perfect, but I can't really feel His presence...and I know that part of the problem is that I have been absent from my reading of the Word, absent from church, and just...lost.  


Some things have been happening here at home with my oldest teen (nothing earth shattering) that I can't help but be shattered from...and can't help feeling like I could have done more...and that I am losing a closeness in the relationship that I have always cherished, and may never get back.  That is part of why I am lost, I can admit that, but I don't know how to fight this. It just feels like all the work my husband and I did as parents didn't do any good, that it all was for nothing.  I know that is not reality, but it is how I feel. As a mom I feel like it is my fault, and even now after all has been said and done, I am left wondering what in the world has happened to my world, and will it ever be right side up again?


Well meaning friends have told me that I did everything right, and that us parents cannot make the decisions for our children, that there comes a point in our teens lives where we have to give them over to God...I know all this, yet the pain is still here, it is real, and I don't know how to accept this new (less that satisfying) relationship I have had no choice but to accept with my surly, withdrawn, teen, who now has to live with the consequences of the choice they made. I am just lost, and can't seem to find my way out right now.


God's plan is perfect...I know this and hold on to that precious promise.  His love is infinitely high and wide, He has enough healing for my hearts pain, and even though I am weak, I will lean on Him for strength and comfort, and I know that He will bring me through this trial, for my God is good All the time.


May God's face shine upon you today and beyond, and may He give you joy so abundantly you have to give it away.  Blessings, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving season.

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

~EEK..This parenting stuff is not for the faint of heart~

For some reason I cannot upload the Pour your heart out picture right now so click here to go to shell's place over at things i can't say I am going to share this, which I  posted last night!


Did ya ever have one of "those days"? Well, I had one last night and remnents of it flowed into today.  I am a parent to three teenage boys and one nine year old girl, my partner in crime is my hubby who is a wonderful, and amazing man, I surely don't deserve to have. 

What can I say about teenagers that you haven't heard or experienced? Probably nothing, but I am going to take a stab at it.  My hubby and I once found a statue of three monkeys..you know the ones..see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil? Yeah, those..well we picked it up in honor of our three sons, so that should tell you something. 

To my oldest sons ears, my husband and I have too many rules, as well as unappealing consequences.  I have to say that he is probably right when you compare our household rules to some of his friends household rules.  As I pointed out to him last night, whenever you compare someone else's home to ours you will find greener grass on one side of the fence and usually it is their's, especially if they don't have as many rules as we do.

Do I think we have too many rules? No! Let me say it again, No! We expect our children to do the jobs we have given them, and to be respectful human beings.  Really that is about it, as far as the rules go, of course there are some things that are just expected if you want to live in this house.  Now, if you live in this house and you are a child of mine or one that is here every weekend eating my food and using my computers etc..you will work and follow the rules.  I believe that my husband and I have earned the right to give our children a job, and expect them to do it!

My children do not have..cell phones! I know, what a shock.  We have a home phone, we don't need to carry one around with us just because everyone else has one.  At my home children are not allowed to talk on the phone in their room or after 9pm.  Don't like it, too bad! (That's what I tell them) Children cannot be on youtube unless I am showing them something. No foul language.  No having sex.  My children and I go to church on Sundays together..no one stays home unless they are sick..except my hubby and that is his deal with God, not mine. So okay they do have some rules that are just expected but they are simple ones to follow. If they follow them they get to have privaleges, and if they don't follow the rules, privaleges get taken away.  Simple.

Unfortunately, when we are compared to someone else's home, we come away seemingly lacking, in my sons eyes at least. This is what happened last night.  He was mad and unloaded his feelings onto me, I in turn got in his face..and round and round we went. Then, hubby took over..til 12..midnight. Poor hubby had to get up 5 hrs later and go to work! Didn't I say he was wonderful~he is.  This morning when I woke up (too early I might add) I was tired and worried over what had transpired between the hubbs and son last night, so I prayed.  Well, I may have prayed last night, it is all a blur right now. 

I just want to be the best parent I can, and raise godly young men and a godly young woman. Is that too much to ask of myself?  I know it's important to let go, because eventually what we taught them has to be enough, and the rest I have to leave up to God.  I know this works, I have seen others do it, so why is it so hard to trust that what I am doing is enough?  All in all, it worked out between my son and I, it was just tense for awhile.  I hate when there is tension between my children and I or my hubby and I. It always feels like it is my fault, even though I know it is not..I am one of those people who think that everything is their fault.  Silly! I know! 

If you are a parent have you gone through this with your teen?  If so, how did you handle it?  I would love to talk to other parents who may have insight that I do not.  God is at work in my family and I know that His plan if perfect, I just wish I knew what it was sometimes.  I have control issues. I am a work in progress.  "Thank you Father God for being patient with me, help me to be patient with my own precious children, Amen" Please leave me a comment or two before you leave, as I would love to hear any and all of your advice and wisdom.