Melancholy Anyone?

Depression is so subjective...one day things are pretty great, and the next...not so much.  I was just thinking the other day that I was so happy not to have to deal with depression anymore, thinking that all the exercise I do must have  really cured me.  Wrong!  I was so arrogantly wrong.

I have had depression issues my entire life, well the years that I can remember anyway. Now mind you my life was not the peaches and cream everyone wants, but it wasn't exactly horrible either, there were good times mixed in with the bad.  So to say I had/have absolutely no reason to feel blue would be a mistake, but the depression seems to come from out of the blue (no pun intended) for no real or reasonable reason...I have a Great life.  I really do.  

I have a Great husband and 4 wonderful children, all of whom I absolutely undeniably love...and not only do I have those people in my life I am a child of The Most High God...so why, I ask, do I get depressed, blue or melancholy?

From what I can understand there can be a lot of variables or none at all.  For instance it could be hormones alone, or it could be lack of vitamin D, or sunshine as I like to call it.  I miss the sun and the warmth. It could be brain chemistry that is off.  Then again it could be the combination of all the above, honestly I don't rightly know.  I wish I did.

Blogging helps me vent.  When I write I often imagine that there will be one person who reads what I blogged about and it will touch their heart...speak to their specific situation, and they will be helped or at least validated that they are not alone...that there is someone else out there in this big wide world who is going through something similar and can relate.  I know that God has used me before and I know He will use me again.  

The other day, when I was running and talking to God, I asked what good am I?  What have you used me for? Am I significant...and the resounding answer was yes, you my daughter are significant and I have a purpose for you, keep on going, someday you will see the bigger picture and understand fully.  So I keep trudging on because I know that someday it will all be revealed to me by my Heavenly Father.  I won't allow satan, the father of lies, to bring me down and whisper his evil into my heart and into my life...for now I will continue to lean on God and let Him comfort me...because I know that this too shall pass...in time.

So if you are reading this and you pray at all...say a little prayer for me tonight I'd really appreciate it...and if you can relate, let me know, I'd love to hear from you.

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when He is silent. *Written on a wall in a concentration camp*

© 2012 Shannon M. King. This publication is the exclusive property of Shannon M. King and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws. The contents of this post/story may not be reproduced as a whole or in part, by any means whatsoever, without consent of the author, Shannon M. King. All rights reserved.

~Relationships Compared~

Describe how your relationship with your spouse is different then the relationship your parents had while you were growing up. This is the writing prompt I have chosen for writers workshop over at Mama Kat's !

First I will start with this...I lived out on my own for a little while before I met my husband so in that respect I had a lot more experience than my mother did.  She went straight from her parents home to her husbands home. I had lived in a few different cities and with a few different people before I even met George (Hubby).

I had run away when I was 16, and stayed with some friends for a day or two before going to live with my favorite Aunt and Uncle, who were and still are my saving angels. A few years after coming home I moved out to live with a friend, who I occasionally hear from even now, she was my best friend when we were a teenagers.  After that I got a job cleaning hotel rooms at a Best Western and lived with a co-worker...so I say all this to show that I had a little bit of living under my belt, so to speak, before I got married. My mom was completely unprepared to be a wife or to be independent in any way. She knew nothing of the outside world, she was totally sheltered and naive. 

The second difference I can see is this...I did not look at my Husband as my everything, I had friends I still kept in touch with, books I read, places I went,  whereas my mother did see my father like that. He was it for her, she didn't really care about making her own friends or becoming a little bit independent from him.  She thought he was the most important person in her life and no one else even came close..and thus everyone else felt exactly that...less important. My brother and I never really felt significant in our family, because my father was who she looked at to fill her up. Whether that was filling her up with confidence, love, empowerment, it didn't really matter, because my brother and I did not fit in there anywhere.  Today, of course, it is different in that, she is one of my best friends (that is a story in itself to be told at a later time).

The third difference is probably this...My husband has always encouraged me to make friends and get out of the house every once and awhile, he has always been supportive of what I want or need to do.  My father was controlling and treated my mom like a slave of sorts.  I mean he would come home from work and just lay around all day and expect her to serve him..and she would do it!  Now don't get me wrong, when my husband comes home from work I like to get him a drink and make sure dinner is on it's way, but he does not expect me to do it.  I love my husband and because I am a SAHM I do like to make him feel welcome and comfortable after being at work all day.  Mom was like a robot, those things were just expected and never reciprocated by my father.  Dad is still like that today and as a result my parents are divorced, well that and the fact that my father left my mom after having an affair (that is part of the story to be told later on).

My husband, George, is a wonderful person, (not that he doesn't have his faults, we all do) and he is a remarkable husband and father. I cannot say that about my own father, even though I love him, I would have to say he is selfish and because of that we don't have a close relationship at all. His life is mostly about him, on the other hand my husbands life is not a selfish one at all.  He has always worked hard for our family of six, and he puts others ahead of himself all the time, often going without if he has to.   So my marriage in comparison to my parents is vastly different, and for that I am thankful.

One other thing I would like to touch on is this...My relationship with God is not connected to my husbands relationship to God.  Let me explain.  In my parents relationship, my father was in control of everything even religion...I will call what they had religion--which is ritual, rite, rules, etc...I don't know that my mom has ever had a real relationship with Christ, outside of my fathers relationship with Christ. See, my father was a pastor off and on throughout my entire childhood, but mostly one of rules and regulations, you know, legalistic teachings. We grew up in that environment, so I guess I could blame the church atmosphere for the ghastly state of my parents marriage. In my marriage..the relationship I have with Christ is mine and personal, it does not have ties with anyone else.  It is between My heavenly Father and I.  Our relationship depends on me and how far I am willing to take it, and on how obedient I want to be. In my parents relationship it was not like that at all, where dad went, she went, what dad believed, she believed, and so on.

Thanks for taking the time to read a little bit about me and my life as a married woman, I am so appreciative.  Before you go please remember to leave me a comment or two, as I love to see what you all have to say & May God's face shine upon you today and beyond!